I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
