how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
