Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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