The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
