Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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