i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
