I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
