Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
