WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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