I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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