i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
