why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When are your genitals available?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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