sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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