My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
