He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
