I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
