At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
