Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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