Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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