I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
