Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
