I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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