I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
