There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
