found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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