Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
