I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
