I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
