Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
3 2 1 whiskey
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
