If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
