Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
