Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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