i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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