I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
