apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
