I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
