You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
