and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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