Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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