Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
