If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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