I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
