When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
