I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
