Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
