he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
