and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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