All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
