all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
