When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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