Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
