so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
